Writing for an audience

 I just had my first day on the farm I am supposed to work at for the whole summer. I'm really depressed by how much I hated it. It was so physically and emotionally defeating. I really don't want to go back tomorrow. I definitely idealized farming. I thought it would simplify my life or at least my problems. I would take all of these abstract and existential problems and either make them feel smaller or bring them to the surface so that I could actually identify them. I can't believe how much I hated it. Every minute was torture. I am really scared for MD. She's been feeling similar to me in that she thinks that farming will simplify her life. But honestly, MD has a much stronger ability to commit than I do, so maybe she'll fare better than I. I know that this experience is worthwhile and all. Like I know that no matter what I am pushing the ball forward, I am doing action which is the most important thing in this life. I am taking something that I have only ever t...

My friend Graham wrote a poem about Ted Kaczynski In his book I Have a Gun It made me think of Ted Kaczynski I decided to learn all about Ted Kaczynski during the peak of my isolation during covid times I thought I was losing my mind because I agreed with him I was terrified to tell anyone that I was becoming interested in Ted Kaczynski Because then they would know that I was losing my mind And I thought that it would be fine if I lost my mind as long as no one knew about it. Then I went to a party at one of my cousin's friends' They were all at least five years older than me I got harrassed by a thick man over adherence to pong rules I made jokes to my brother about how out of place I felt I struck up a conversation with the one vaguely alt-looking girl there And somehow the conversation veered its way to Ted Kaczynski I told her that I've been reading a lot about him and his manifesto recently And her response was "ugh every guy is so obsessed with Ted Kaczynski...