Aimless summer

Seeing something in myself that I've seen in so many people that came before me. I am exiting college and have gone from joyously untethered to dejectedly untethered. So many of my friends and relatives have gone through the same experience of struggling to find their footing after college and I really didn't think it would happen to me. I thought I understood myself enough to feel at least relatively at ease with the life I was leading. And maybe I'm feeling this gray fog of ennui because the farm didn't work out and it destabilized this notion of self that I had, or maybe it is because I am craving companionship, understanding. If someone offered me coke right now I would be very susceptible to getting hooked on it. 

Every relationship in my life that felt simple and uncomplicated before now feels like trying to catch a fly with bare hands. I am trying not to project my bullshit on people; it feels like most people in my life are living fairly uncomplicated lives and are basking in all its glory. Plenty of my friends are still figuring their shit out but they seem grounded and like they have a sense of place that is dearly missing in my life. 

The void is my friend.

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